Goldman Sachs bonus

[Cees Binkhorst]

REPLY TO: D66 at nic.surfnet.nl

Om de vrijdag af te sluiten en het week-end te beginnen, een vrolijke noot
(ahem: Golden Nugget)

Groet / Cees

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/cartoonlounge/2009/07/goldman-sachs-internal-memo.html
July 16, 2009
Goldman Sachs Internal Memo

After all that federal aid, a resurgent Goldman Sachs is on course to dole
out bonuses that could rival the record paydays of the heady bull-market
years. Goldman
 announced that it had earmarked $11.4 billion so far this
year to compensate its workers. At that rate, Goldman employees could, on
average, earn roughly $770,000 each this year.

—The Times.

Internal Memorandum No. 8121b

ATTN: Employees of Goldman Sachs

We did it. Bottom of the ninth, down by three, bases loaded, and we
cranked another grand slam to the moon. They may have shot Lennon, but
nothing can kill the Beatles.

I admit things looked bleak for a minute there. We had to convert to a
bank holding company and were forced to accept a taxpayer bailout. It felt
un-American. Terribly unbanksmanly. But we accepted the money, knowing
that we could magically weave it into a much larger mountain of money.

We had a few hard months there, didn’t we? They regulated our corporate
jet so that we could no longer use it to fly from hole to hole on the
green. Dave had to drain his money pool to half capacity. I stopped
injecting gold into my blood. They don’t call it a recession for nothing.
One day, we’ll look back on the year we received only five-figure bonuses
and laugh.

Wanting to celebrate our renewed success is natural, but it’s important
that we don’t go crazy here. Remember, ten per cent of the non-bank
country is unemployed, and even those who are working have “real” jobs,
where payment is proportional to the creation of a “product” or a
“service.” Those poor bastards. So I ask that, in celebrating our raping
of the stock market, we show restraint in the following ways:

    * Please limit high-fives and chest bumps to a dozen a day.
    * Don’t wear your crowns, except around the office.
    * Stop paying for things in Monopoly money—I understand it is the same
as real money to us, but there have been some complaints.
    * For now, let’s take down the giant scoreboard that reads “Main
Street: zero. Wall Street: a billion gazillion bajillion.”

Furthermore, to avoid drawing criticism from the press, this year the
bonuses, expected to be comically large, will be distributed in blood
diamonds, which can be easily concealed in a briefcase so it looks like
we’re working.

I’d like to thank everyone who made this possible—for a second time.
Respect to President Obama for keeping us in the green. Thanks to the big
guy upstairs (me). And let’s not forget all the ordinary Americans, who,
for some unfathomable reason, have refused to put us behind bars. We are
literally taking money out of their wallets. Seriously, with these returns
we are making Madoff look like a little kid with his hand caught in the
cookie jar. Amateur!

Yours in money,

Lloyd Blankfein, C.E.O., Goldman Sachs
Posted by Farley Katz

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