[D66] Ukrainecrisis, Column: Opvoeding & Kernoorlog

[Dr. Marc-Alexander Fluks]

Bron:   North Jersey
Datum:  21 maart 2022
Auteur: Gene Myers <myers at northjersey.com>
URL:    
https://eu.northjersey.com/story/news/health/2022/03/21/russia-ukraine-war-and-nuclear-war-anxiety-how-address-kids-fears/7076285001/


How to talk to kids about nuclear war? NJ experts offer tips as
Ukraine spurs anxiety
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After two years of pandemic, masks, lockdowns, racial strife and 
political insurrection, stress among American kids was already at crisis 
proportions. Then Russia invaded Ukraine and 'World War III' was 
suddenly a trending topic. On Feb. 27, Russian President Vladimir Putin 
put his country's nuclear forces on 'high alert.'

Mental health counselors say the news on TV and social media has 
reignited Cold War fears among some of their young patients, including 
prospects of nuclear annihilation that harken back to a time when 
students were told to hide under their desks in case of a Soviet attack. 
'We are definitely seeing kids struggle with anxiety,' said Michael 
Tozzoli, CEO of Ridgewood-based West Bergen Mental Healthcare. 'I had a 
kid in my practice the other night who said he kept hearing that COVID 
was a once-in-a-lifetime thing and now you're telling me there's a 
possible nuclear war?'

Even before the Russian invasion, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. 
Murthy warned in December of the 'devastating' effects on children's 
mental health of the last two years. Hospitals in New Jersey and 
elsewhere have seen a rise in adolescents and young adults experiencing 
depression, panic attacks and suicide attempts.

Tozzoli's organization, which includes three Bergen County offices, held 
an online seminar in partnership with the Fort Lee Library last week on 
'recognizing signs of mental health struggles in children.' How to help 
kids cope with notions of war - including nuclear war - came up often, 
he said. 'They may not say, 'I fear war,'' Tozzolli said. 'But you may 
all of a sudden have a teenager who is scared to drive or you will have 
a younger child who is afraid to be left alone in the house when in the 
past mom may have been able to run to the store. I think that's partly 
due to what we are seeing on TV.'


How to talk to kids about war

How can a parent help when a topic is this huge? Experts recommended 
breaking it down into smaller conversations that take place in casual 
settings, while making sure to let the child lead. Share stories of hope 
and resilience, advised Jennifer King, co-director of the Center on 
Trauma and Adversity at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. 
While some kids may want to have long heart-to-hearts during dinner, 
others will want shorter conversations, which are less pressure-filled. 
'Some kids can only handle a certain amount and then it's time to move 
on. Don't try to resolve everything in one conversation,' Tozzoli said. 
'Don't put that pressure on yourself.'

Sitting down to talk may also put stress on children, he added. Tozzoli 
suggested taking your child for a drive. In a car, they won't have to be 
looking at you, which can be intense, especially for teenage boys. Start 
the conversation with open-ended questions such as 'What do you know? 
How does it make you feel? Have you been worrying?' Or: 'Do you have 
friends who are worried?' Parents often make 'the tactical mistake' of 
going into a conversation thinking they are the first ones to broach a 
topic with their child, Tozzoli said. It's more likely that children 
have read about a sensitive topic online or overheard things on the bus, 
he said. Starting with questions will help you assess what their 
understanding is and give corrective input.

Let silence sit in the air after your questions and your child will fill 
the space with their answers.


Chocolate and vanilla

Experts said the kind of information a child needs will vary by age. 
'Look at the developmental level of the child and then modify your 
conversation based on it,' Tozzoli said. 'Parents are usually very good 
at this. They intuitively have what I call the gut parent response. They 
know where the line is with their particular child.'

For younger children, it's best to keep things simple and not focus on 
disturbing images of bombs or war, he said. Focus on differences of 
opinion. A child could be told: 'The Russians think one thing and the 
folks in Ukraine think another and they are having a hard time coming to 
an agreement,' Tozzoli said. 'It's like when you want chocolate ice 
cream and your brother wants vanilla ice cream. Sometimes, entire places 
have differences of opinion as well, and that can be upsetting to 
people.'

The first priority is to let youngsters know they are safe. 'You don't 
want them to wake up at night fearing for their own safety,' Tozzoli 
said. 'With any age group you want to instill a sense of safety: 'I am 
the parent and I am going to keep you out of harm's way.''

With tweens, it's vital to understand 'the narrative they've already 
received,' said King, of Case Western Reserve. 'You want to check in 
about images or videos they may have come across, whether that's via the 
news or social media. Let them tell you how they feel, validate their 
feelings and do not minimize them,' she said.

Struggling children will show signs of agitation or moodiness, said 
Debra Wentz, president of the Trenton-based New Jersey Mental Health 
Institute. 'They may regress in their behavior,' she said.

A teenager, meanwhile, may not want to go out as much. Their patterns 
will change. Things that used to bring joy no longer do the trick. 
Parents of younger children should limit their exposure to media, Wentz 
said. The repetition within a news cycle can frighten and re-traumatize 
someone who is having trouble. Activities like helping to collect 
supplies for Ukraine will help them gain a sense of control, she added.

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(c) 2022 Gannett