Mensa Invitational "New Meanings"...

[dirkie]

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Here is the
 Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which
once



again asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary,



alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and



supply a new definition.  Here
are the winners:  



1. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying a house, which



renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite



period of time. 



2. Ignoranus
: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 



3. Intaxication
: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which



lasts until you realize it was your money to start
with. 



4. Reintarnation
: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 



5. Bozone
( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people 



that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone
layer,



unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in
the



near future.



6. Foreploy
: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the



purpose of getting laid.  



7. Giraffiti
: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 



8. Sarchasm :
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit



and the person who doesn't get it.



9. Inoculatte
: To take coffee intravenously when you are



running late. 



10. Ostenopornosis
: A degenerate disease. (This one got



extra credit.) 



11. Karmageddon
: It's like, when everybody is sending off



all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth 



explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 



12. Decafalon
(n.): The gruelling event of getting through



the day consuming only things that are good for you.




13. Glibido
: All talk and no action. 



14. Dopeler Effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem



smarter when they come at you rapidly.



15. Arachnoleptic Fit
(n.): The frantic dance performed



just after you've accidentally walked through a
spider web.



16. Beelzebug (n.)
: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that



gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and
cannot be



cast out.



17. Caterpallor
( n.): The color you turn after finding



half a worm in the fruit you're eating. 







The Washington Post
has also published the winning



submissions
to its yearly contest, in which readers are



asked to
supply alternate meanings for common words. And the



winners
are:



1. coffee ,
n. the person upon whom one coughs. 



2. flabbergasted
, adj. appalled by discovering how much



weight one has gained. 



3. abdicate
, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat



stomach. 



4 esplanade ,
v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.



5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent. 



6. negligent
, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when



wearing only a nightgown.



7. lymph
, v. to walk with a lisp. 



8. gargoyle
, n. olive-flavored mouthwash. 



9. flatulence
, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone



who has been run over by a steamroller



10. balderdash
, n. a rapidly receding hairline..



11. testicle
, n. a humorous question on an exam.



12. rectitude
, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by



proctologists.



13. pokemon
, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist



14. oyster ,
n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with



Yiddishisms.



15. Frisbeetarianism
, n. the belief that, after death, the



soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.



16. circumvent
, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts




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